Want to Be Happy? May Be Better to Give than Receive.
Now that feeling of blessing when we give is being measured. What a 2009 study reveals is that happier people are givers. And that giving makes people happy. So this is one vicious circle worth joining.
Giving does not just mean money. Does not just mean to charity. Opening a door, assisting a stranger and giving time to make someone else's life easier all help us become happier people.
Here is the short and easy to read study:
Just because I got a postcard and had some free time, I wanted to go to a presentation on discount travel. The presentation was for couples only. I was curious and had a husband who was retired and could go along.
I called and set up an appointment to attend a ninety minute session which would yield us two free airline trips anywhere in the US and three nights hotel. I was intrigued because upfront they were clear this is not a timeshare event. Okay so I am curious…and I called. After the call I had no more information except I was ready to go with a scheduled time and day and somewhat reluctant spouse.
The session was held at the local Holiday Inn. On the plus side ,the team was efficient and timely in signing us in. We met with a team member who took us to our seats. He offered us water. And asked us about our recent vacations.
Had I not been a financial planner, travel agent would have been my career of choice. So we had lots to talk about.
The presenter was great except for not understanding Vermont culture and his repetitive use of “you guys.” I learned a little more about the travel industry and how it works.There are three levels of consolidators all getting a share of the vacation travelers dollars. The largest four companies own most of the websites out there.
And that typical Vermonters spend between $4,000 – 6,000 a year on their vacations. This is valuable information. Though it excluded how many people go on vacation. As I imagine, not every Vermonter takes a trip each year.
The slides were great. The dream vacations incredible. And the opportunity to dream even better.
Clearly he was using new math or reverse math. I am sure because he wanted us to buy without thinking. Explaining that over the course of ten years, we were to spend, $4,000 a year on vacation, for a total of $40,000 total. Then, we bought the package at $10,000 and were to save 50% on vacations going forward and some money eating out with their special discount card and we would be saving $25,000!
I did want to raise my hand and say that we would be saving less as he did not factor in the $10,000 outlay or the annual fee of $400 or the mandatory registration fee of $600. Though I kept quiet as much to keep the guise of a willing potential customer as to not embarrass my husband who was already taking a risk to be here with me.
After the formal presentation, the tag team approach to selling took over. The salesmen lost me totally then. We made a small offer just to be nice. One left to make a phone call to see if “corporate” would approve our low ball offer. This great car salesman approach has never felt good to me. Straight talking is where I am at. The gentleman in training stayed and talked to us. I said this is not the package for us. They did not describe the type of vacations we typically take and we sometimes vacation separately. The fact that my husband hunted was more attractive to him then I often visited relatives in Ireland.
He recommended Larry do some elk hunting and at a certain ranch, where I could stay. Larry said I am not an elk hunter. What do you hunt? Points for the first question. "Whitetail deer" was the answer.
Well how about boar hunting? There is this great lodge…”No, I say I have tried to get him to do that, it is not his idea of hunting to go boar hunting or stay at a nice lodge. Always a bad sign when a sales person does not listen.
He kept talking….You could go to Northern California and both stay at this resort where you could hang out while he goes trout fishing. I am sorry to say that I was happy to see the car salesman come back.
Then, the numbers started to fly. He sat with the piece of paper facing him and talking fast writing down numbers as he ranted. Fast and furious he went about what a good deal he was giving us.
I started back from square one and said the numbers do not add up to the thousand, we suggested. But much more than our offer. And the 19.00/month is not what we want. He went through the same numbers again.
By the end he said, "It cost you $ 1.25 a day and we pay you back on some of your trips. That means that it is like you getting $ 1.50 from us and if you travel, you get your $2,000 a year back." I was like whoa….Did he know what we did for a living?
Come to find out others were offered the Trial offer of $1,000. However, they were also offered the monthly maintenance fee that rose the price dramatically.
Come the vulnerable, the people pleasing, and the couples who cannot communicate. Because such events are designed for you. This one ninety minutes could create financial commitments and problems beyond current problems.
I was frustrated and though I did consider it for a bottom basement price. This was really not the way we travelled. So it was not worth it. And besides, the sales strategy had totally turned me off. Mid way through it became a game to me to see what they would do next
I can see why people get bamboozled into buying. You see the persuasiveness and throwing the numbers around and the utter confusion they leave you with, thinking this must be a good deal. Spinning me around and point me in a direction is what I am thinking it is more like.
My husband an accountant by trade, told me that he was confused by the numbers. “I could not follow them,” he told as we drove home. “That is their goal,” I said, “They want you to lose track, so that you believe them. If you, who are good with numbers lose track, think about the average Joe.”
Another sale in their mind was dwindling away. Getting out, once we stood up with our coats on was surprisingly easy. I admit that I saw another couple get up first out of the corner of my eye and that gave me the confidence to do it quicker than I might.
All in all, I will take my risk and skip their "wonderful" deal. I do not want to spend money on something with an annual fee that we may or may not use. I do not want to pay a lot of money now, to save money over time, especially on a discretionary spending item so dependent on health, wealth and willingness to travel.
A Friday afternoon road trip may not be everyone’s idea of a good time. Or convenient enough for you to hop in the car and head out. But it was for me and my friend Susan. We both had appointments in the morning but could hit the road at 11 am. We had briefly talked about a possible road trip a couple of weeks before and decided we would pencil it in. We never fully decided or discussed it until two days before…and it was a maybe. We checked the weather for smooth driving. And reviewed our work commitments.
Thursday night we talked and Susan said, “Let’s go.” I had been on the fence and thinking of alternative ways to spend the day from skiing to working to reading…. Could not believe my change in energy and perspective after that call. I dug out my maps, dreamed of city life and was really looking forward to a change in scenery.
I wonder how many times we talk ourselves out of doing something that would feed our soul because we are on the fence, or we can think of other things to do or there are other practical priorities seeming more pressing. Going to Montreal after a major snowstorm meant the roads were not totally clear and parking was difficult. We had not thought ahead to exchange money or planned exactly what to do. An afternoon roadtrip to a foreign country did not make sense. Yet, we decided to go.
As I left work to go get Susan, a colleague asked, “Are you going for the weekend?” I shook my head.
“Overnight then?” “No, just for the afternoon.” I left her puzzling with her own thoughts.
Passport in hand, I hopped in my car. I knew the addresses of a couple of bookstores I wanted to visit (See next post.) And there was a neat exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts. Susan added to our list of potential activities with lunch and a possible pedicure. We hit the road and discussed all the possibilities. I was energized by doing something completely out of the ordinary. We compared notes – I had ten dollars in Canadian change for the parking meters, thanks to my husband who hunts across the border and keeps the change. She had Canadian dollar bills thanks to her Canadian born husband. With a full tank of gas, we were good to go.
And smiling even though the trip did not make sense.
Getting up before 4 am has never appealed to me. Which is why I typically do not rise at that hour. As I told my husband, I have been up more times in my life at this hour coming in than going out. This morning I was up though and I do not regret it for one moment. Despite the start of my day without caffeine and with only a glass of juice in my stomach, I was do delighted to share this moment in nature.
And I learned a bit in the process.
This is turkey season in Vermont. My husband is a turkey hunter. And despite my city roots I occasionally will join him. Okay very occasionally, this was my third time in seven years. "Rarely" would be a better word.
Here is what I experienced: A ride in the dark on dirt roads until we came to the edge of a field purported to have turkeys. We traipsed along through an acre of field through a few puddles and wet grass – I know now why hunters wear high rubber boots.
We entered the woods and sat on the rocks surrounded by maples, birches, pines. Watching the shifts in lighting as the morning woke up and greens of the field, the trees and all that was around me was powerful.
Sitting in the canopy of trees it was the music I heard that placed me a state of pure realization and delight....
The birds of every imaginable sound and tone a were orchestrating the welcoming of the day. Their lightness and energy and joy was so powerful. Even when my mind would wander and I wondered truly what I was listening to… I could sense the beauty of the moment. I finally understood the bird watchers who experience this in so many ways. Making me consider a new activity.
What happened next is what amazed me…I could distinguish the noise of a roosting bird.
Do not ask me if it was the noise of a hen or a gobbler, I just knew it was a different bird and I pointed to my husband from the direction of the sound.
Moments later two turkeys flew into the field to start their morning.
As still as we sat, they never did get close enough to get a good look or to consider shooting. That is okay with me. I considered it a successful morning as we journeyed out. I spotted two turkeys in the wild, enjoyed a personal symphony and shared the light of the morning in the special way that only nature can provide.
Silent communication, another intimacy of strengthening relationship.
Best Side Benefit is that now almost twelve hours later, I still feel the joy of that time spent among the trees and birds and power of nature.
Small business owners think the need to work more and harder to make their business successful. Knowing their craft, understanding the management of a business and handling money effectively are valuable tools in operating a successful business. So too is taking time off.
Sounds counterintuitive. Time off to make a business operate more efficiently? The time off makes the business owner operate more efficiently. So with time away from the business, the trials, triumphs and issues of business take a back seat.
The mind is refreshed. The heart is clear and the body is rested. These are all critical to operating a small business smoothly and successfully.
If you operate your own business, try some time away. Something simple. Start with one day or a weekend escape. The point is not to attend to your business consciously. This is your respite.
When your mind goes to your business focus it on something else…go back to the hike, the national monument or fabulous museum. Our minds are amazing and when we gather info from somewhere else our creativity and abilities are enhanced.
How far will some people go for a book? Turns out over a three hundred mile roundtrip is not problem. No, the book is not contraband but The Cornish House is published in Europe and England. There is not an American deal yet. However, the book is sold in Canada.
Back in college days, beer runs to Canada for Bradoor beer were part of UVM culture. The beer was more potent – thanks to a higher alcohol content and tasted better in my estimation. We would find the closest liquor store on the other side of the border, make our purchase and go home. Although I seldom had a car to instigate a trip, one such road trip was motivated by a visit from a dear friend, Liz. She was at the more sophisticated and all girls school of Mount Holyoke. She had brought with her a younger coed who had not traveled much. And a car.
When I mentioned Beer Run, they said “Let’s go!”
To this day Liz has mentioned this trip as a highlight of her college days. The wilds of Vermont and the social atmosphere of the University of Vermont impacted her life. Now , she is an author and I recreated the journey in her honor.
When The Cornish House came out, I discovered it was not sold – yet – in the United States. But would be available in Canada – I told Liz I would be off to Montreal at the first possible moment to get my copy. She said be sure and take pictures…this is a great story! I said from Beer run to Book, run what is the world coming to?
Although the book had come out in August in Canada, my schedule never allowed for the trip. Then came bad weather and the holidays. Hopeful for a Spring road trip until a spontaneous one worked. I had long ago read the book but finding the book on the shelves was neat. Having my friend Susan along was terrific. How exciting to find the book and share the fun!
Today I had the privilege to be present for the announcement of a magnificent gift to our local hospital, Fletcher Allen Health Care. A $13 million dollar gift of business property which included two buildings and 15 acres was given by Bobby and Holly Miller. This was truly magnificent. Not just the generosity of the gift, but the team effort and impressive words and actions demonstrated from the couple. First it was apparent they made the decision together. Second, they were open and both spoke when the gift was announced.
Sheer pure generosity in action, bought tears to my eyes and an expansive warm feeling to my heart. This amazing couple demonstrated more by their actions and followed up with their words their appreciation to the hospital. Holly’s reminisces of growing up in the community and having used the hospital often as a family. Yet, bill collectors were the one who got paid one to two dollars a month, because her family of origin had so little money.
How poor they were. Yet what a generous heart was planted in those days.
May generosity bud in you from your memories.
Happy Spring.
Yesterday I was working at home when quite a beautiful sight ran by my window….Two horses plodding through the snow. What struck me first was their form and gracefulness despite two feet of snow on the ground. Their strong dark bodies against the white of the snow and the evergreens was something out of a movie.
My delayed reaction was what was important: Our neighbors horses were loose!
Our neighbor happens to be my husband’s daughter so I knew where to find her- at work. I called her and told her the bad news and let her know I had the flexibility to go get them if she told me how. Her simple directions were: ”Get the grain from the barn which is in the trash can. Fill the bucket. They will follow you home with that in your hand.”
My husband is typically around when the horses get out and he wants to call someone. He does not usually want to try or have me try. He was nowhere around, so I took it on. I loved venturing out on a clear crisp winters day with a purpose.
Find the grain, check.
Fill a bucket, check.
Go toward the horses with bucket in hand. And they do follow completely and easily.
Get to the small gate – it is stuck.
Go to the large gate and observe how to unwind the rope to open the gate. Before I could try – a neighbor yells for me to come back as he has the small gate open for me.
Thanks to Jim – I lead the horse right back to their yard. And on our stroll down the road, he tells me how to find the opening in the fence so I know what needs to be repaired.
Sure enough it is easy to find the opening thanks to the horse tracks and the fallen branches on the electric fence. My repair skills are lacking. …but I piled some branches in hopes of deterring any future escapes in the short term.
Contented and rosy cheeked, with snow covered legs arriving home I was motivated to head back to work – at my desk. But first I left a message that mission was accomplished and Tracy had no need to worry. Later, her husband would come home and fix the fence.
But it was in the evening, when I told my husband what I did and how good it felt that my days activities were reinforced. He was impressed by what I did! That I could handle horses. Okay, handle may be too strong of a word. He is not a horse person. A true horse person would not think twice about what I did. As a first for me, I had two things going for me. I like horses. And I had some help from my neighbor.
Quite rewarding to do something new and different. And the balance of being outdoors and doing something physical against the ….inside stationery desk work was great …energizing.
I did not have to do it. I rescued the horses Just Because.
Happy is a National Hit. The song that is.
What makes you happy? Here was my list for the day:
Snow shoe for an hour.
Bake cuz I want to try a new recipe.
Have friends over for dinner – cuz I can.
Play with the little girls cuz I want to.
This is life.
Happiness factor in the paper today…there is a Happiness Paradigm store in Maple Corners, Vermont. How cool. Being happy is again becoming important.
Check out the website on Gross National Happiness - GNHUSA